Give Up on Happy, It’s Nothing But an Illusion.

“NEVER EVER GIVE UP”. “Sleep when you’re done, not when you’re tired”. “Snooze, and you’ll lose”.  “Satisfaction is the Enemy of Great”.  Am I the only person who is over being implored never to stop, never to be satisfied? All of these slogans make for awesome motivational videos and messaging, AND they can also kill you!

Coaching Heresy

There I’ve said it! I know it’s coaching heresy and if I don’t call it out then I am also a massive hypocrite! From the age of 17, when I left school to drive trucks until I was 48 and turned to my ex-wife and said “I don’t want to live like this anymore” I lived these memes.  I was relentless in the pursuit of wealth. At the time of said conversation with my ex, we owned multiple houses in Brisbane, an apartment in the middle of Melbourne and both drove Lexus.  We could afford to go and do anything we wanted.  So was that the reason I was ready to stop? NO.

Having money wasn’t novel to me. This was my second run on the wealth ladder we had already achieved the house on the golf course and a successful business before some poor advice backed by poor decisions cost us that paradise.  I was, and remain, well aware the trappings of wealth and affluence can be fleeting.  Perhaps this was closer to the reason for my change of heart.  What was the point? When all is said and done how many “things” does one need before one is “Happy”? How many pairs of trousers can a man wear at one time? Maybe this can best be answered with another question. What is the difference between a want and need?

What’s the difference between a want and a need?

Try this definition, the lack of a Want will leave a desire; the lack of a Need might kill you. Given that definition, we don’t have many Needs.  Shelter, food, water, and good health would sum it up.  I hate to say it, but even sex gets shunted to the Wants column.  It had dawned on me despite all the toys, entertainment, distractions, and everything else I had I was not “happy”! As much as it is tempting to blame the ex, it wasn’t her fault either.  It was me. I not only did not like what I had become,  I also didn’t know who I was.  I had spent 30 years creating my persona by subjugating the human within me in favour of the pursuit of money and power.  I “Never Gave Up”, refused to be satisfied and slept when I was done not when I was tired!  And I had completely lost all sense of who I was.  On that day, I had no desire to carry on.  I knew only that my life had to change radically.

It was my Mission.

Why did I drive myself like this?  Well, it was my Mission you see.  My beloved Grandad had risen from being abandoned to an orphanage at the age of two, to be sufficiently wealthy to help his Grandchildren get a start in life.  I took it as my responsibility to provide for my children what he had provided for me.  Back then I mistakenly thought money was the gift!  Thirty years later, it dawned on me, sure he had given us money, but the real gift was his unconditional and unwavering love and attention, AND by mistake, I had failed my children.   I had given away their childhood holidays, weekends, birthdays, school plays and other special events in pursuit of MONEY.  Writing that hurts, AND that is why I am duty-bound to call out the BS surrounding the relentless pursuit of goals…especially if the goal has a $ sign in front of it.

Let me be clear there is nothing wrong with having money however research shows once your basic needs are fulfilled more money will not make you any happier.

What You Need are Vision, Mission and Purpose.

Sure, you want to have a Vision, AND it needs to be bigger than you can deliver on using your talents and resources. Ideally, the fulfilment of this Vision will create well-being for the entire world as you know it and IT CANNOT BE NOT ABOUT YOU!  Your Vision is the end game, and it may not even be achievable in your lifetime.

What your Vision will do is point you to your Mission, the contribution you will make to the fulfilment of your Vision.  Your Mission will be aligned with skills and experience you either have or can acquire.  It is also the course of Action that when your life’s work is done, you will be content to acknowledge as your contribution. Your Mission is your “How”.  How you will contribute to the fulfilment of your Vision.

Finally, you need a Purpose.  Your Purpose is your “WHY”.  Why you will undertake your Mission in pursuit of your Vision, it is the reason for Action. The right WHY will give sustenance to your soul and energise your Mission.  It is the reason you get out of bed and do whatever is necessary to fulfil your Mission. I would argue your Purpose, your Why, is your reason for Being.  It is who you were born to be

Change the World for the Better.

Imagine living with a Vision to change the world for the better. Knowing your Mission in materialising that Vision is wholly aligned with your values and Purpose in Being?  Do you think you’d need motivational video’s and exhortations to thrash yourself to a standstill and beyond?  Never forget Calvin Coolidge.

Persistence is the long game.  You cannot win the long game if you cannot stay the distance and you will not stay the distance unless your Vision, Mission and Purpose are aligned resulting in sustainable Action flowing naturally from who you are Being.

Experience The Joy of Flow

If you would like to experience this level of motivation, then feel free to apply for a 2-hour Empowerment interview with the writer.  This interview is entirely free of cost and obligation.  Your only risk is your time. During the interview, you will receive an in-depth coaching session designed to help you find your flow. Even if our relationship goes no further than this interview, my guarantee is you will receive overwhelming value for the investment of your time. All I  need from you is a willingness to participate fully and not hold back.

If (and when) you’d like to take me up on this offer, follow this link.

Yes, I’d Like to Book an Empowerment Interview with John.

Talk again soon – John