Have you ever wondered why some relationships work while other’s flounder? I have and here is what I think makes the difference in terms of how well a relationship does. It comes down to  how much common ground exists in the relationship. The corner stone of any relationship is alignment of values.


Values defined

“It is a principle or standard of behaviour; one’s judgment of what is important in life.”

Notice it says one’s judgment of what is important.


It is not about adhering to what someone else deems important. It’s about determining what you value and what you deem important and then living your life in accordance with that. Your values determine what you do. If you live with a high degree of alignment to what is important to you there is a higher degree of happiness and fulfillment in living your life.Knowing what is important to you  will help you make sense of your life.  From there you can align yourself to where you are going. It will help you find your “tribe”.

If you find yourself being torn in an area of your life it probably comes down to a values-clash. Often we have different ideas about what is important and that leads to different priorities arising from different values and that is where the problems start. We make these differences personal, when that isn’t necessarily the case. Which brings us back to relationships and the work-ability of them regarding values.


Venn diagrams and alignment!



The above diagram is a Venn diagram. What does a Venn diagram have to do with Values?  It has EVERYTHING to do with it. For those of you who have not seen a Venn diagram in years let’s do a quick refresher of what it represents. Put simply, it is a graphical illustration of the relationships between and amongst objects that share something in common.

If we apply this concept to values, the larger the intersecting area the higher the degree of alignment that exists between the two sets.  Conversely, the smaller the intersecting area the lesser the degree of alignment that exists between the two sets.

Without a high degree of alignment the relationship be it business or personal with be short lived at best. If you go against your core values or are in a situation where you experience a significant clash you will also experience a high degree of psychological pain. Put simply, you are in the wrong place.

Don’t take my word for it. Have a look at the relationships in your life that work or have worked versus those that do not or have not and put it to the test.